Venting versus Whining
Stop the bleeding reframe
One of the things that happens sometimes when we vent is that we end up bleeding all over someone else. What I mean is we do a lot of whining instead of troubleshooting and solution seeking.
What happens when you bleed on someone else is that you can potentially waste them.
Venting is not only normal, it can be good for you. One of the things that I find helpful is to think about how we can fill each other up instead of how we can tear each other down. If when you see someone you view them as fresh meat to bleed all over with all of your problems, that can be a real drag.
Can you perhaps reframe your bleeding and whining into first asking for permission to vent, and then seeing if the person is into receiving that kind of exchange with you?
If they are not open to receiving your vent, maybe you can do what I like to call a brain dump instead.
✔️You can brain dump on a little piece of paper.
✔️You can brain dump on your phone.
✔️You could record a brain dump to yourself.
Pause and ask yourself if every time you pick up the phone to speak to a friend you end up bleeding all over them with your whining. Unsolicited whining without permission is not necessarily helping you and, it is probably not helping your friend. Even if they listen, they may just be using your whining as a distraction from their own issues, which in the end, doesn’t help them either.
Bleeding all over people gets old fast.
Consider pausing to reframe: Ask if friends or family or co-workers are open to listening to you vent. If they are not, and sometimes it’s just not the right time, then just do a simple brain dump.
Asking permission to have a venting session first can be helpful to reframe your whining into proactive venting. Developing an awareness of when someone is bleeding all over you with their whining can help you to recognize when you are bleeding all over someone else.
You can teach kids the difference between venting and whining, too. If you have or know kids that like to whine, ask them to write down all of their problems and then to read them aloud. If they can’t write yet, you can write them down for them and then, read them out loud for them to hear. Then, they will feel heard and validated, which might be all they need. Ask them if they have any solutions to the problems. This is a great way to teach kids to proactively solution seek instead of whining and wallowing.
I like to whine too. But when I catch myself whining, I try to pause and consider the situation. Do I need to do a brain dump in my journal? Do I need to ask permission first for a venting session with a friend? This little reframe has helped me in my relationships with my friends and family but mostly, with my relationship with myself. Try this reframe and see what you think.
